to be a better person

I have stepped into a new stage of my life... with different kinds of people around me and different things that will occur.. different challenges and different opinions... I have officially moved home and started my practicum... life is so different now... i used to have lunch and dinner and even breakfast with friends around me... but now, dinner and lunch is at home, bought from the coffeeshop opposite my house... and I have it when i am doing some work on my labbie at home... its quite boring though... but no choice, people have to move on...yeah...

I guess the first 2 days of teaching went quite well.. not to talk about some devils in my class... however, this week is mostly observing what my Coordinating teacher is teaching.. starting from next week onwards, I will take over the class for PE. as for maths, my CT is on course for 4 days... I practically cannot observe her at all... sad .. but then I do have a chance to start teaching maths this week though... stressed ... but then life is all about challenges...

training resumes as normal for me... but I hate it when training gets affected... but somehow its true that I have to prioritize my things when I do my work... I have to be more responsible...

i guess I have started to change... for the better or worst I dun know... I used to be a very competitive person, wanting to win every race i take part in... now, I am just satisfied with winning top 10 positions... the determination to win is no longer that strong... I used to be very strong headed... and now, i just dun really bother about a lot of things...if I am in the wrong, I will admit it, I remember me having to keep insisting that I was right about everything I do... but now, I feel like a smaller lady...someone who listens more than i talk... I need to change... to be more responsible in whatever i do... I am going to be a role model...to my students... and whatever I perform will be held in the eyes of my students...

i only regretted not putting in enough effort for my studies in NIE... but nothing can bring it back.. only when the consequences happen then one really realises his/her faults...however, everyday is a learning lesson...what I have not done, I will make sure i make up for it...

for the last one month, I have been having quite a sum of stress... both from heavy workload and other things... I happen to flare my temper a lot of times... to people who are close to me such as the 3 gays... sometimes after flaring temper, I felt so bad, so guilty...SORRY guys... i know that I should have kept my cool, but so sorry... emotions ruled over my ability to stay cool... and suddenly i realise one thing... I am forced to mature... to be able to handle all sorts of comments, all sorts of situations... I no longer want to be a person who throws tantrums easily already... It's the best for me... really... though i will be challenged by my students, but is also my job to be able to educate them with the correct mindset... at home, I am trying my very best not to throw temper... well...I learn as I grow...

and the thing is, I realised that people do noticed the change in me... from the way i react, i act to the way i dress... I used to be a person who dun bother about how i dress... i ONLY wear sports attire... but now, I do try to dress up as a normal girl... i guess I have to...because when I go out with my friends, I have to make myself feel appropriately dressed to... and i got to learn to dress up as a MATHs teacher... not only as a PE teacher... well... i still liked to be casually dressed in my NIKE attire, however, As i grow older, I should dress up for some occasions... but its so difficult... been since young ever since I started to dress sporty... say about 11 years ever since i started track and field... however, I guess changing for the better will be splendid...maybe my gays partners will not get used to my change... but they say they will be glad if they see me in skirt! haah...

thanks gays and Lao da for standing here with me whenever I needed the support... I dun have to tell you all anything... maybe its the connection that we have, whenever i have problem, you all will call me or msg me.. out of no where... and I dun have to say a single thing, you all know what to say to comfort me... thanks...

i guess is am picking up now...and will try to be a better person from now on... I have been too childish, foolish, hot tempered and arrogant... will try to change...but i will always be the CHOR LOL sumiko... this is hard to change...