What is left when love is gone?
I realised I trusted the wrong guy for the past 2 years.

After all that has happened, I realised that people can change overnight:)

Anyway good luck to him and the girl .

Friends, I am back:) Sumiko is back and strong:)
will continue to train hard. Nothing he does or do will put me down.

Thanks for all the support all this while.

officially disappeared from my blog for one month and 6 days... I am back:)
updates coming up soon:)

Its really been a Long time since my last update:)

Went to NIKE sale with Sunny.. bought a similar pull over as him.. we found it cheap and nice man! hahaah thanks bro for the ride...

Monday: Training session at Kent Ridge Park with Athlon group.. this time round, i did 8 rounds in 43mins instead of the usual 7 rounds.. wondering where I found the energy from.

Tuesday: Ironically it's the first time Sunny and me trained together ... ahah I did my 800m sets while he did his 1km sets... in the same time intervals .. at 1 min rest time instead of my usual 2 mins rest time...

Wednesday: Coached the NTU biathlon team.. they have around 1 month to their race and I am going to push them real hard at trainings:) Discipline must be present:)

Thursday: Woowoo... did my 600m sets at CCAB .. 8 sets.. and the last set I managed to clock 10 seconds faster than the previous 7 sets.
Coach mentioned that I am ready for my 5km next week during ALL comers meet at Gombak. It's going to be my first 5km race on the track. I am not going for a win this time, neither am I going to whack all out. I am just going to do my marathon race pace for the 5km...

Thanks coach for pointing out to me that my running posture is improving by the day... I am glad to have coach in my life:)

Looking forward to racing with SUnny at vertical marathon ... it's the first time bro and sisters are taking part in lovers challenge hahahahaa:)

looking forward to the following races of the year:)
Vertical Marathon, Surf and Sweat, Newton Run, ALL comers 5km, WOW adventure race, Raw Duathlon, Sundown marathon, Phuket 21km, Army Half, Shape Run, Great Eastern Women 10km, Berlin marathon...

If u wanna do it, set ur mind and focus on it... the training will lead u the way to ur dreams:)

Pacesetters 30km

Back from Pacesetters 30km at KL:)
Had great fun and great company.

Ran the 20km race instead of the 30km..( I cannot do any race more than 21km before Berlin this year)
held back on the run because it was my first race there and I was afraid of the hilly terrains, slopes and support.

Started off really well, felt very strong. Weather was great and played a huge part in the race.
I was planning to go easy, finish the race, head back to hotel for a sleep...

The race course was filled with slopes.. not too steep though. Many gradual long slopes, turns as well as flat paths.
I was running well, the only thing I felt bad about was the lack of water support. The water support was at every 5km... and there was one waterpoint which was not set up by the time we reached there...
I was feeling a little thirsty at 16km but managed to overcome it.

Ended the race in 1hr 33mins with a smile on my face. It was the first time i felt so strong on the legs and body and the first time I felt I could have really pushed a lot further:)

Came in third in the women's open category.
Really satisfied with the long run there and as coach would have put it, go without any expectations:)

Glad to have so many friends there... and I had a surprised birthday celebration with them.
thanks to Peishan and Alber who bought the cake secretly...
I really enjoy the company of Mount Faber Safra people...

My face is still swollen... and legs stitches have broken.. think I need to see the doctor in a few days time..

Lastly I would like to end this post with a quote which I have seen for days:
If you wanna chase 2 rabbits, u will lose both... So FOCUS:)

Safra adventure race

Safra adventure race last Sunday:

Started out with my partner Ah Gao on a good note...
was leading in the start run...

took the bike and headed out on the bike leg...
things took a turn when i fell.. not once but twice..

The first time I flew off my bike, I had only cuts and bruises on my left knee.. picked myself up and cycled further..
Bukit Timah trail track.
Went down several slopes.
As I am not that proficient on the bike, I must say I lacked a lot of training and experience in such trail... and racing on this course was not a fun thing but a challenging and technical thing.

I remember heading down a steep slope and ended up landing straight into one of the holes at the end of the slope, flew off my bike and landed face front on the ground.. My partner shouted and threw his bike, ran st to me and held me.

I was bleeding profusely from the face. Ah Gao had a bandaged creating a compression on my cut on the face.

The immediate reaction from him was: ok, let's stop the race, though we were leading, but there is always another better race.

We stopped, pushed our bike to the FIRST checkpoint, only to find out that I did not need a stitch on my face.After discussing for some time, we decided to carry on. At that pt, we were already 16th position... it was a low morale day for us...

We finished the race, hand in hand... managed to clinch a 4th position. Not too bad afterall:)

The things I learnt from this race:
Always be prepared for the worst that can happen
Train up and gear urself physically for the race:)
Have a great partner

Ah Gao is definitely my best partner in adventure racing so far... we had several training sessions and every training sessions, he was very patient with me, guided me and trained me:)

During the race, he always put safety first and will always look out for me.
Even though he is so much fitter in every way and could have left me to fend for myself, I admire him for his caring personality to help me in whatever way he could.

A good example would be the pushing up of the bikes on a steep slope... He would push his bike bike all the way, drop his bike, come down all the way to the bottom of the slope, push my bike up for me and then give me a helping hand to get myself up:)

Thanks BIKE LABZ for the sponsorship of the race...
thanks NIKE for the shoes that i wore...
thanks to Ah Gao for the everlasting endurance, patience and care and concern throughout the race:) u have been a great partner...looking forward to our next race:)
Thanks to Sunny for coming down all the way from Bedok to Yishun right after a call saying that I am injured and needed a ride to NUH:) thanks bro, i love u:)

It was a really memorable race...
ended up with big cuts on my legs which needed stitches, and a big swollen face like a pingpong ball..
but nevertheless, the lessons we learnt in every race is a great process:)

Safra adventure race..took pics with pple at the Safra briefing:)

my partner: Ah Gao
and the BIKE LABZ guys....we rep BIKE LABZ

Met up with Sunny to have a chit chat session... realised I have lost my radiance... my skin is getting worst without enough sleep and extra exposure to sun...
I should start putting sun block on my face and take good care of it now.. drink more water everyday too:)

Training today was tough... 16km run then went for Canoe training for SAFRA adventure race and went to swim and lastly went for coaching:)

coaching the NTU bi team:)

i look like one of them.. except that I am their coach cum mentor cum senior cum teammate:) hahaah
thanks gals and guys:)
a great team:)

21st Dec 08

I am dead tired after a whole day of training.

It's the first week of base training

Morning: completed 12km in one hour at east coast.

Afternoon: Kayak training for the upcoming Safra adventure race.

Night: back at east coast to complete another 12km in one hour.
And it was the joke of the day how we landed in Changi Airport Terminal 3 for dinner when Joe missed the exit to expo...
Thanks to the so called "pacer" group.. Marcus, Aitqi and Joe:)
They had great dinner Popeye Chicken which was yummy!... I remember my first visit there... just a few months back...

A total of 24km in 2 hours for the first Sunday of our 8 weeks base training period.

Thanks to Joe who has been kindly fetching me to and fro for training:)
It's great when I have friends who care.

thanks Sunny for always hearing me out.

I managed to fix something back in place finally: My buddhist beads... something so precious. Visited the temple today to pray for good health for everyone around me and fixed back the one and only bracelet on my hand... love it:)

today's training was a great one.
As usual, back to Woking workout again. But this time, weights increased... completed lunges with a total of 10kg on my shoulders, an increased from the usual 2.5kg.... and hand weights doubled to 5kg on each hand.

Planning and review for year 2009 was great:)

Went out for coaching and then roamed ard at west mall. Walked around the usual shops at pasta mania, bubble tea and etc... settled for something surprising. I bought 3 items:)
it was a notebook, a 2009 planner and a CD by a chinese singer. It has been almost 10 years since I bought a CD for myself. But the songs in this CD are really nice and I just can't help but buy it.

At the shop, i met my previous swimming student. Reminded me of the days when i coached with Swim Lab. The reason why i started to coach- to have a better life for us.
And the days of surprises turnout at the pool after my coaching, the life then and made me really wonder why I liked coaching swimming so much.
It was because of the love for the students as well as the love for a better life for us. I dunno.. emotions filled me to the brim at that moment.

I did something that I never expect myself to do: watch a movie myself.
There are so many movies that I had wanted to watch but did not have the chance to : Esp Saw 5.

Bukit Batok interchange had a free movie screening at an open area and it was screening the movie "Connected"... i walked past the area, walk backwards, sat down on the floor at 8pm and watched till 10pm.Nice movie, strangers company (everyone was either sitting on the floor or on the limited seats that were available).
The free movie screening will be till 24th dec... every day 8pm. I guess I will spend my Xmas eve there too:) it's great...

tomorrow training will start and looking forward to a painful but yet fruitful training day:) Thanks Athlon Running

I totally dislike cars starting with SJF...
it reminds me of the 3 people who took a knife each and sliced it through my heart.. causing it to bleed

Back from BBK with lots of clothings.
The only training i had there was running on threadmills and doing light weights in the gym... and prob sauna.

It felt like the omission of training was weird but then the treadmill was good:) I guess the music and company played a large part in it:)

Thanks to those people who want to bring me down. I won't say I am perfect or I am someone who has achieved great heights.

I know that I am learning and improving by the day:)
For you and for me, I reflect and learn.. each and every day. An insult, a suggestion, an advice... is always part and parcel of learning.

although many people who do not know me personally judge me, I thought back on the similar incident of Peishan who initially do not know me personally but heard things about me and had very bad impression about me.. haha but now,after knowing each other a higher level and hanging around together, we are great friends girl!

It's amazing how things can turn ugly when words from mouth get spread out without facts. But this is life, you can't make everybody like you.. neither can you please everyone. You just have to be respectful and answerable to yourself and the ones around u:)

but i guess those who know me stayed through with me must have reasons why they are here:)

Thanks for those who are standing by me:)
And thanks for those who do not know me personally but give comments about me. It helped me to learn.

I am going to be a quiet girl from now. Thanks:)

GOOD LUCK TO SUNNY

I have 2 important man in my life...
and those who have been following my blog will know who is one of them..
Yes u are right..
Sikhandar Singh aka SUnny:)

Bro, good luck for your race in AUG.
You know your sister here will be always supporting u wholeheartedly:)

U are a star:)

cambodia.. disappointing ..

bACK from Angkor wat 21km
Completed with a PB time but was not satisfying...

honestly speaking, I SHOULD be satisfied with a PB time.. considering I was off training with coach for 3 months and my fitness was not on tip top form.

Throughout the 6 days there, I had bad diet... I vomitted several times after dinner because the food was just not easy on the stomach.

The pre-race dinner was vomitted out too.
Before the race, I had powerbar for breakfast instead of the usual raisin bread which i normally eat... a HUGE mistake...

Reached the race site, went to toilet for 3 times... diahhroea...

But the next huge mistake was starting out too fast.
I started out at 4min 10 secs per km for the first 2km.
managed to get back to pace for my next 14km.
However, another huge mistake.

I took a hammer jell at 16km and next few km there was no water. The water points had only water and no isotonic drinks at all.... and at 17km, my whole body shut down... it was a sudden hit ... at that point, I was leading second and the 3rd n 4th placings were pretty far away.

When my body shut down, it felt as if i had HIT the wall... like its telling u to stop moving and walk, telling u to give up...

I had this once before, 2005 when i ate a powerjell without water and I collapsed at the 38km mark due to heat exhaustion.

So this time, I knew it was going to happen. and it did... but i managed to set my mind on thinking of someone and managed to persevere thru the race till the end pt and collapse there.

For the next 30mins. I had to be carried to the first aid, cramps were everywhere, i can't control my body and I had to be on dripped. I remember insisting I do not want to be on drip in Cambodia, but i guess my teammate Fabian was distracting me with his words and they managed to inject me without me even knowing it...

I did a PB... 1.37 to 1.38 hour I guess...

I learnt my lesson...
Never try a new diet before race, never eat something u noe u are not used to during race and take every race seriously...

I am upset with the timing but then through the lesson,I learnt a lot...
And I am very sure I am going to do well for the next marathon:)

Thanks to joe and Natalie for asking me to put away all the negative thoughts.
the race affected me a lot, negatively.. but through encouragement and beliefs... I know I can learn and move on.

This is life... U learn more when U lose...
and the next time, you will be a winner:)

I accept losing this race... but in every race. As coach would put it,it's when u lose that u learnt the most out of it:) i am very glad to have friends who know me who understood where I am coming out from.

It's not the position that I am upset about, it's my own attitude towards this race that I am upset with.

I should be more focus.
Winning and Losing is not everything.. learning from losing is everything

Training at east coast was great..
it was the first time we had so many of us from the team running together.
Scotts will be leaving us soon.. to Melborne... for good.. sad but happy for him:)

We did a simple 10km... first 5km at easy 5 mins pace.. and the last 5km at our own race pace...
I tried a 4min 20-25secs pace for the last 5 km..
seems comfortable...

okok.. angkor wat seems a breeze now:)

my idol, Vivian Tang... my running partner Joe and me...
Look at Vivian's abs.. i managed to convince myself that I will have such good figure and abs next year Nov... let's wait and see hahaha!
tired after run.. with scotts...ladies rulezzthe guys.and me and vivian..thanks for organising this run... we look forward to more of such runs once the standard chartered and angkor wat race is done... will be back to running long distance and clocking mileage...

the training after that was amazing.
I trained with the hall 3 polo team in CSC...
Ke Wei coached us.
Did swims, drills, passing and stuff...
and I had my first polo match of my life... played with the guys against a group of students...:)

it was fun but tiring. I learnt a lot...
was asked whether I am interested to join the Ladies Polo Team for Toa Payoh....
hmm.. considering... should I try a session and see how it goes?...

started training at 630am for run and ended training at 1pm... I was so tired and famished that I slept all the way home:)

counting down... 4 more days

It's can be pretty frustrating for people to judge you without knowing the facts.

For one girl who has been in the sports scene for some time, training with guys... some people will assume otherwise.

but for me, I do agree that my close friends are guys and that I am surrounded by guys in sports.
but that does not mean that I am loose or in what sense.

I do have close friends... First and foremost Sunny...
then Jonathan who me family and me known for 13 years...
and my god pa... who has been my emotional support to replace my dad ever since he was not around..
and a few close friends.

People who dun noe me at a personal level tend to judge me.
I dun understand why judgemental people who dun get their facts right.

Please, having many guy friends as a girl dun necessary mean that the girl is loose or too easy going. Neither does it mean that she needs attention.

It just so happens when you are born and grew up having sports as ur life and ur sports revolve ard guys, then your life will revolve ard guys.

i dun see a major problem with that.

Hopefully people who dunno me at a personal level, dun judge me:(

Thanks to friends who know me and have been very supportive.

To my friends ard me: It's not a poem... but some pointers...

The More U try to act happy,
At the end of the day,
When you are alone,
You feel even more unhappy....
Because you know your happiness is made up..
and not truly from ur heart...
Why do people cry?
Why do people weep?
Who do people say hurtful things?
Why do people push you away?
It's because they care..
For you and for themselves...
For the benefit of u and him/her...

It's always a learning lesson..
a learning journey...
When you make a mistake.
Stand up and admit it.
When you have gotten over it.
Remember the faults and try to turn them into positive pointers.

Dun try to act happy.
Because the more u try,
the more it hurts.
Just be yourself...
You know who loves u the most...

Found this from a friend n from the net:) Nice poems:)

I'll Wait:

Trapped in a world filled with confusion,
Living a life confined to unrequited emotions,
Getting myself tangled in someone else's web,
Can't help it, But to make myself feel sad.

So near, yet so far
So different but yet on par,
Smiling but inside crying,
Coupled with feelings, but yet denying

Spending my life living on the edge
Regretting each moment, but keeping faith
That one day ,she might just discover
That i'm the one and there's no other
No one to come between us two,
Before and after she says.."I Do"..

And for Hui Wen:) my good friends...

Would you Just Listen?

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, just yet,
I'd like you to think back to the very first time we met,
How you felt around me? The memories we shared,
And just remember that once upon a time, you really cared.

Now think about how we parted, and how much I cried,
But please don't speak, remember that I never ever lied,
That I told you the honest truth about why we were to split,
But now I'd like you to know that my heart broke bit by bit.

The pain was deep, unbearable and painful, for so many years,
I'll never forget all the sadness, all the uncontrollable tears,
Slowly I am rebuilding my life, I am content with what I've got,
And although it is hard I am beginning to forget what I have not.

You were a special part of my life that I will never forget,
A part of my life that broke my heart, but that I don't regret,
You gave me some happy memories that I'll keep in my heart,
Although sometimes I wish that you and I didn't have to part.

You were my first love and my true love, that will always be so,
After all of the heartache, sadness and never ending pain, I know,
You and I had something special and that will never change,
Because I love you and loving someone else will always seem strange.

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, not ever,
I'd like you to remember that once upon a time, we said forever,
That I had hopes and dreams, that I was the one who threw them away,
And this is something I will always regret until my dying day.

Lying to Forget...

This lie's become a part of me
For months, I've played this game
Acting like it doesn't hurt
Each time I hear his name

Ignoring what's inside of me
Pretending I've moved on
As if the feelings I once had
For him are somehow gone

Spending each and every day
With happiness and laughs
Forgetting all our memories
Avoiding photographs

But last night when I saw him
For the first time since he left
My heart stopped for a moment...
I couldn't catch my breath

When suddenly it hit me
As the tears started to flow
That even after all this time...
I just can't let him go

Just Friends?

I love you more every day,
My name I long for you to say.
Do you know just how I feel?
Do you know this love is real?
Sometimes I wonder what you think.
When you hear my name, do your cheeks turn pink?
Do you dream about me every night?
Wish to hug me and hold me tight?
Do you think we're meant to be?
Together forever, you and me?
These are the questions that run through my mind,
Your way into my heart, you did find.
It drives me crazy as to what I should do,
Should I risk a friendship and confess to you?
Or should I keep my feelings inside,
Keep them locked up, let them hide?
I just don't know what to do anymore,
My heart it aches, my heart it's sore.
I love you more than you could know,
And I don't want to ever let you go.
So even if I'm just a friend,
I'll always love you until the end.

My Love

My love for u is real
my love for you is true
my life without u has no point of view

i cant never tell u or show u wants inside
I'm afraid you would walk away and leave all this behind

then again i don't know how u feel
Wat if you love me ? Wat if this is real?

sometimes i wonder if we are meant to be
like romeo and Juliet living their dream

but i don't want a sad story , or an expected end
i only want you and me , its not hard to comprehend

maybe i should wait till u come to me
but Wat if your afraid of how things would be?

although if i wait u may never find out the truth
Wat if u feel the same way , and i loose my chance with u

maybe if i tell u , things will be OK
we would be happy together and never be afraid
of loosing one another because our love is true
i don want just a could be , i want you

HOW

How do i move on, when your packed and gone?
How do i heal, when you bend down to kneel?
How do i stay away, when you've gone astray?
How do i show you i'm hurt, when it's your name i blurt?
How do i love you, when i hate you too?

You've made me weak, you've made me sad.
I was vunerable and you were mad.
You opened my heart, and you tore it apart.
I let you tear down that wall, only for you to let me fall.
Trying to move on, like you don't exist.
Trying to not look, but i can't resist.
You've made such an impact, i'm suprised im still intact.

How do i tell you i can't move on?
How do i tell you i'm dead and gone?
How do i say, i want you to stay?
How do i tell you, i'm holding my feelings at bay?

Attempting to move forward,
only to fall backward.
I gave you my heart, i gave you my loving soul,
now i can see it growing to mold.
I can no longer feel that touch,
i swear-it was too much.
Hurting everyone in my path,
hoping i don't feel that wrath.
Forgiveness has come and gone,

Hey My dear Hui Wen, hope you are feeling better now:)

NIKE SINGAPORE OUTLET OPEN!

NIKE Singapore... finally a shop of our NIKE from Singapore outlet has officially opened today... please visit it.. WISMA ... used to be the same location as the NIKE women's stall... now it's very much nicer!! Visit and grab great deals!

Went out with Junko again:)
brought her to collect my prize from Hivelocity:)

We went for a chill out session at starbucks at west coast plaza...and both of us ended up sleeping there:)

worried for her because her leg is aching in pain due to the sprain and she is doing the relay for 10km next Sunday and I won't be in Singapore"(bought her a pair of Sunglasses which she liked it a lot:)and she took a very artistic picture of me while we were waiting at the bus stop:)